My first born, Maria, and I talked about different topics I could write about it .. She said to me: "Mommy, why not write about everything we've tried to lose weight?" I knew right then cover this topic would go way over my word count pitches and probably could fill volumes, maybe even become a best seller. Why? Because what the women did not read every article written about this subject, I watched every episode of Oprah featuring weight loss, or tried every diet that promised quick and safest shedding pounds? Show me a woman who tried to eat grapefruit for a week, slurped soup cabbage breath smelled like dirty socks had for dinner, snubbed her nose at all carbohydrates, eat cows or pigs, or until it mooed oinked, or reduce calories so that the only which is a bit off the heads of people, and I'll show you the skinny women!
donut diet is my personal favorite. I called it with no holes to ban the diet. And how can we forget all about eating vegetables, or all meat, bread or all of the diet? A raw diet! Even God himself, when asked for a lamb, like it fried! Remember the story of Cain bringing their vegetables to the altar? God said: "Die, you fool!" I admit, this is an extreme twist on the Biblical story. This is not a vegetable God had trouble with, and with Cain's disobedience. I think that Cain had anger issues too. But think about it, all cows eat grass all day and they're still fat. When you really think about it, they not only eat it all day, but they throw it back up and chew on it. So, they are bulimic?
My point is, we are always looking for shortcuts to some guns. We all want to be lean and trim without a grunt and groan. This is an example of Maria's attempt at a quick fix. It was only three days until her brother-in-law's wedding. It was not as diligent in following her food plan. Traveling through the drive-through for cheeseburgers and fries caught up with her, and she felt a little tinge of panic, because she was not as sharp as you would have liked. "Enough Mother, I'll take it from me You brighten up!" she said.
"I'm living in Texas at the time. a local spa as advertised on the radio program for five p.m. lose inches in one hour. I just got a gift of seventy-five dollars, otherwise I would never consider it. I arrived at the front desk the next day and asked 'where do I sign up? "skinny blonde chick brought me into the room where I'd imagine that the output looks just like her. I could not wait to plop down my seventy-five U.S. dollars to indulge yourself in an hour of rest and relaxation, far worse all those unwanted inches.
asked me to strip down so she could take measurements, and reveal why I was showering in the dark for the past six months. I soothe my damaged ego with the knowledge that in one hour from now I would look just like her.
You would think that taking my measurements every sixteenth inch to alert an intelligent individual that something is not quite readable. I recalled that I was thinking why more people did. It's about time she opened a large chafing dish. I recognized the chafing dish, as I saw them many times at all-you-can eat buffets. This chafing dish was filled to the rim with Ace bandages, soak in the miracle solution to all my problems. Barbie started on my ankles, my wrapping Ace bandages in those like King Tut's chubby wife. Her work has become increasingly difficult problem areas came. As he pulled tighter curves, shed fat, requires more turns. "Look, this is easy. 'I thought." She does all the grunting and groaning, and I do not have to work, but the thing to stand here and be humiliated. "She also wrapped my face until it looked like it was smashed inside the lift door. Then he put baggies on my hands and feet "to catch the drippings, " she said. The only thing missing is a pop-up timer. I managed to keep myself motivated to keep thinking how proud my mom would be that I am now going to be so graceful to be able to stop harping on me to spread my horizons and benefits of exercise. Barbie at the top of my head with shower cap and wrapped in an orange poncho around me. That is, when informed me that it is now time to leave the room and proceed to the next phase of treatment. Yea! It's finally time for the spa treatment of my dreams.
As I waddled down the hall in my mummy outfit, apparently waiting room, I kept telling myself that everything is going to be worthwhile to look like a Barbie girl. It was at that point that she threw open the door of my padded cell. It is a rubber mat, TV, VCR, and I'm sure the hidden camera. Saucy, Torture Girl (formerly known as Barbie) MTV Grind Workout put into the VCR and told me, more moving, the more you lose. I'll come back every fifteen minutes to 'baste' you with our secret mineral solution "'Is she crazy? Did not she notice the color of my skin? I move as a white girl! My hips where it is not made for all buckling. "I huffed. I started looking around the room for Bob Saget. I knew he would not let this humiliation continue without me granting at least $ 10,000.
Now comes the crazy part. Actually I tried to do it! I tried to bump and grind my little heart and hips off. It did not help that no one in the video was wrapped in Ace bandages, baggies, or orange ponchos. Torture of girls as he had promised to return. She unwrapped me and presented me with a revelation that I've somehow lost 16 ¾ inches. It is speculated to have been mainly from the brain cells that fell on the rubber mat. Me, educated, intelligent, and obviously naive twenty-something has fallen victim to an obvious scam. I left the building thinking that at least I was slimmer in my wallet. This is where most of the lost inches came from anyway. I was very sure that this woman will be watching my video with her Swedish model cousins. I heard that kind of videos that skinny people look for fun.
I struggled to keep a positive view of the experience. When I arrived home I asked my sweet husband's support, if I looked thinner, which said: "I think your legs look smoother ."
I learned the painful lesson that not only am I an idiot, but there are no shortcuts to weight loss. Deep in my heart, I know that the video will surface somewhere on the internet. Please do not judge me. You never know when you could do something as desperate. "- Maria
Maria's experience is not uncommon for a woman. We all bought into a quick fix madness. This is a billion dollar industry. Her story is in no way reflects the many and wonderful spas that offer fabulous, relaxing treatments. lesson to be learned from all this is that there are no short cuts to weight loss. There is no substitute for eating a balanced diet and exercising on a regular basis.
Do not waste your money on a child who can not maintain for the rest of your life. Do not buy any more books on fad diets or quick fixes. Save your money for real in a real spa treatment. If nothing else, I hope that Maria's experience provided the comic relief of the same hysterical laughter and magic which gave it to me.
Research tells us that laughter is very good medicine. It does not require a prescription and it can best help whatever ails you. laugh a day will keep the doctor away.
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