Like many people in recovery probably heard of (and often ignored or hearing), that is detrimental to early recovery to become involved in romantic relationships. This article will discuss some of the reasoning behind the often proposed draft "does not refer to the first year ."
Perhaps it is best to start with the definition of a romantic relationship. Romantic in the sense used here refers to experience feelings of attraction, affection, closeness, or what the individual thinks love. In the sense we are using refers to liquid or regular contacts between the individual or individuals who are experiencing these feelings. This article will describe some of the reasons that romantic relationships are detrimental to early recovery and some of the pitfalls that await those who try. We will start with describing the love.
love
Love is a difficult concept to define. It is commonly called emotions and is also described as a behavior. Both are correct. If you feel the emotion of love to go for a reason to act accordingly. Almost everyone agrees that there are different kinds of love, as expressed in different people. There is love for the child, parent, brother, sister, friend and lover. We will refer only to the love between partners. According to social psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are four kinds of love in relation to partners. three components of this kind of love can be understood in terms of better illustrate the point of the triangle.
of the three components of love are intimacy, which can be described as meeting a person and liking what you know, the passion, which is defined as an affection and a strong desire to be near, and commitment, which I believe Most readers know the definition. Combining the point of the triangle result in the kinds of love.
intimacy combined with a passion results in romantic love. That's what most partners experience in the beginning of the connection, and it is usually an exciting and thrilling.
intimacy combined with the obligation results in a Companion of love. That is what many relationships become after time. partners are comfortable with each other, have a rich history together, they know well and are committed to the relationship. There can probably be a lack of passion.
After all three in love or passion, combined with the obligation results in a silly love. This is the result of getting swept up in passion and committing to a long term commitment, without really knowing the person.
Fill Love is when all three components, intimacy, passion and dedication are combined together. Of course, it is unrealistic to expect that the passion is present at the beginning of many relationships will continue forever. This kind of passion takes different lengths of time depending on the individual. Most impeccable relations with the passion that comes and goes, and varies in intensity.
Unfortunately, many people confuse infatuation with love and passion. After some time together, as well as the passion cools naturally, they find themselves falling in love. This is where the saying "I love you, but I'm not in love with you any more" comes from. Many people in addiction recovery (and beyond), and then end up going from a romantic love relationship with each other, and wondering why they can not find true love.
SEX
a lot of addicts in early recovery, when he said that he was ill advised to enter the relationship, ask a question, So what about sex? Usually refers to what is commonly called a friend of sex or sex sport. These both refer to the act of sex for nothing more than enjoying the work. There is no emotional involvement, no obligation, no strings. Although this looks like a cut and dry and mostly harmless if the two agreed to adults who are involved, there are several complications that should at least consider.
The first is that many people, let alone addicts in early recovery, have difficulty separating sex and intimacy. Often, feelings develop in spite of the belief that they never would.
In this sense, the tendency of those who were sexually abused to sexualize intimacy. This happens when a friendship develops, secrets are shared, and sexual attraction becomes obvious, though there was none before approaching friendship. Due to the high prevalence of sexual abuse among drug addicts, and the nature of sharing on a personal level in 12 step programs and groups, this is a very real and serious risk. To start sex friend May be just a symptom of sick minds, and could prove very harmful.
Another consideration is the impact of casual sex on self-esteem. Although most of us would like to believe we could have casual sex without guilt or remorse, it is often not the case. Casual sex often goes against the morals and values that one learned and can continue to wear. Any time that we behave in a way that goes against our values / mores we experience guilt. The fault may have a detrimental effect on the immediate recovery and self-esteem.
Even if it does not go against any morals or values that one may possess, it can probably be conduct that was engaged at the time of active addiction. Of addiction and promiscuity often go hand in hand, having casual sex to take advantage of this addictive behavior and could be the trigger. And even if the individual was not promiscuous in their addiction, they behave with "I want what I want when I want attitude" remains addictive behavior. One of the ways that can raise self-esteem is to delay gratification, and making decisions that will make you feel better in the long run. Not playing sports or sex friend can be an example of this.
refers to
Most people believe in spiritual or magical aspect, which causes them to fall in love, and to enter into a relationship. Many believe in a soul mate to be waiting for them, and that fate can step in at any time, anywhere and bring your soul mate for them. words that follow are attempts to de-mystify love and relationships, but they just keep individuals from falling victim to the other aspects that may appear to be mystical.
Many people design their ideal mate quality to people who are getting to know, and then confused with finding your soul mate. The projection of an inner ideal, thought process, or the state attributed to another person. In other words, I know what I want and need to be an ideal mate, and I have these attributes and qualities in another person. I considered this another person's behavior and relate to my ideal. If you do not recognize that there is a projection (and, rarely, the projection is identified) then I believe I have found my soulmate. Later, when I know the person better, they begin to fall short of my expectations and ideals. Falling short of my expectations may not be ideal, and often search for my true soul mate begins again. This pattern of disappointment will continue until one realizes the reality of projections, and do not give the fantasy that they found their soul mate.
Another aspect of the relationship between the bargaining process. This is not an external event, but the internal one. Each person who enters the relationship is aware of the attributes that bring to the table. This may include attractiveness, financial security, quality of sweetness, intelligence, giving person, as a thoughtful, considerate, good in bed, etc. Knowing what attributes "one brings to the table, one wishes to compare partner. It does not necessarily mean that individuals want someone exactly beautiful, beautiful financially secure, etc., as we are. What does it mean that we are equal to or better bargain in accordance with what we value. For example, how very beautiful woman you've seen with people who are financially secure. The man knows what he brings financial well-being and safety and value of an attractive partner for a trophy. The woman in this case knows that it is very attractive and the value of financial security. This example is simplified, although it exists. the actual negotiation process is complicated because of the aspects consider, but the example is an example of a question.
So, if you accept this as a bargaining component of the relationship is true, You May wonder why this is the problem. After all, is there in the early recovery or not. The problem arises not because of bargaining aspect alone. It is due to the negotiation aspect occurs while in early recovery.
Addicts do not enter recovery with a healthy self-esteem. It affects their perception of what attributes they bring to the table of negotiation relationship. This presents several problems. The first is that you are looking for or getting a lot of partners in the bargain. If they do not feel very good about yourself, or if their conviction that they feel good about yourself instead of a defense mechanism, do not expect much in return for what they bring.
Another problem that is consistent with this is that during the first year of recovery much growth should occur. This growth raises confidence, and if someone entered the relationship at the beginning of the recovery, they will now realize that they can do better. Moreover, even if both grow, and both partners self-esteem is raised, it is likely to grow apart.
The dynamics of families in early childhood also affect what you are looking for or are attracted to the drug. One example of this is evident in the dynamics of alcoholic home. Without spending an inordinate amount of time on typical family roles in families of drug addicts, there are generally four except addict and codependent. These are: family hero who gives the family something to be proud of the features in school or sports. scapegoat-that works out to reduce tension in the family. lost child, which gives no problems for the family to be largely absent and self-contained. Mascot or clown-strip that provides relief to reduce tension in the family.
family of the hero and the scapegoat role usually attract dependent personality, such as lost child or a mascot role. It also occurs in homes where abuse has occurred. Often, daughter of a father who was abusive to his mother will end up in connection with a man who was abusive, even if there was no indication of him being abusive when they meet. Similarly, the daughter of an alcoholic often ends up married to an alcoholic. All these examples show the power of the unconscious attraction. power of early experiences and making memories can not be underestimated. In an excellent book titled "The General Theory of Love" Lewis, Amini, and Lannon (2000) discuss how early experiences and the formation of memory affects the attraction. Until these issues are sufficiently complex or resolved, individuals run the risk of falling victim to them and ended up in bad relationships.
Another consideration in respect to the impact of socialization on what we find attractive. Statistically, most people marry within their race, religion, socioeconomic status and culture. It is proof of the impact on the attractiveness of socialization. In itself this is not the problem. But it also lends credence to the importance of unconscious influences attraction.
final consideration in regard to the relationships in early recovery to those in early recovery rarely know who they really are, and often struggle with that concept. If one is sure who they are, how they know what they want in a relationship? If they do not know who they truly can not love yourself. If they do not love yourself how can they love partner?
In light of these considerations on early recovery and relationships, everyone in the early recovery with respect to entering the relationship has reason for concern. question "Is it possible this attraction is due to the awareness of the complex or addictive behavior?" or "what contributes to my attraction to this person?" should be asked to strongly consider. And as a final thought with respect to the answers to these questions, not someone in early recovery of the ability to be totally honest with you, when not so long ago they were convincing themselves that they need another fix, drink, hit, etc. to through the day?
The reasons for the relationship in the early recovery of patients are advised
1 Relationships are the focus off the recovery.
2nd Relationships are the focus off the individual.
3rd Applies to increase the potential for return, because of emotional intensity.
4th There is too much potential for the underlying problems, projections, and the complex will be the creation of attractions.
5th Low self-esteem and negotiation process to make an early relationship between the weak recovery time to enter the relationship.
6th There is a strong likelihood of outgrowing the relationship quickly.
7th In early recovery I do not really know myself yet.
8th In the early recovery You May not have a healthy understanding of what love is.
9th There is a strong possibility of an individual in early recovery work on, "I want what I want when I want it."
10th In light of the contrary advice, if you decide to enter a relationship, you work your program. It is self-will, and it's addictive behavior.
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